I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
