I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
