I'm gonna have a badass scar
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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