So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
be right there i have to get my cape
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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