Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
