Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
