I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
