Your dad touched me again.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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