I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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