"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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