I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
