Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
COCAINE IS GR8
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
