Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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