Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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