i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
