I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
