he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
