Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
