Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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