I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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