you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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