I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
