i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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