Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
