dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
