the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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