I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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