I'm eating all of the evidence.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
