whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
In America we eat man semen.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
