When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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