He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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