so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
