paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
