Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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