i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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