I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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