i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
