I love having hate sex.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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