Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
