I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
