I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
