I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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