If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
