what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
