someone get that fucking seahorse.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
