I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
