Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
