He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
