fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
