all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
