i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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