You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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