A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
